YESTERDAY MY EMOTIONS WENT BESERK, I FELT SADNESS/ANGER/LONELY AND I ALLSO FELT USED AND I FELT LIKE NO ONE CARES ANYMORE ABOUT ANYONE. I EVEN LASHED MY ANGER OUT ON MY ROOMATE CARRIE BY YELLING AT HER, THEN I TOOK MY ANGER OUT ON THE LIVEING ROOM WALL. THE OLY THING I MANAGED TO ACOMPLISH THERE WAS TO HURT MY HAND, IF YOU READ MY BLOGS YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND WHAT I HAVE BEEN THREOGH. I DONT HAVE A SOCIAL LIFE, CAN'T AFORD IT FOR ONE AND SECOND IT HELPS IF YOU HAVE FREINDS. I THINK WHAT MADE ME BREAK DOWN AND CRY WAS, I DONT KNOW IF I HAVE A FREIND ANYMORE OR NOT.
I CONSIDER A GUY NAMED CHRISS TO BE MY FREIND AND SOMEONE I CAN TALK TO. IVE LOST SO MUCH IN MY DEVORCE, AND NOW I MIGHT HAVE LOST ANOTHER GOOD FREIND AND THAT MAKES ME FEEL SAD! I HAVE BEEN USED SO MUCH IN MY LIFE, I GIVE HELP TO OTHERS EVEN THOUGH I DONT HAVE MUCH TO GIVE. I HELPED CHRISS WITH ADVICE AND MONEY FOR DIAPERS FOR HIS DAUGHTER AND WITH GAS MONEY. I FED HIM AND HIS NOW EX GIRLFREIND EVEN THOUGH I HAD LITTLE FOOD FOR OURSELVES. THE LAST TIME I HERD FROM HIM WAS ABOUT 5 DAYS AGO, HE GOT THE LAST OF MY MONEY THAT I HAD LEFT FOR THE MONTH AND HE TOLD ME HE WOULD PAY ME BACK WHEN HE GETS HIS STIMULESS CHECK FROM THE GOVERMENT. WITCH I HERD FROM HIS EX GIRLFREIND HE GOT IT ON MONDAY. IVE TRIED TO CALL HIM TWICE A DAY FROM MONDAY TILL NOW WITH NO CALL IN RETURN, AND I LEFT MESSAGES ON HIS PHONE AND HE HAS YET TO CALL ME BACK.
NOW I FEEL ALL ALONE WITH NO FREINDS, SOMETIMES I WISH I DIDN'T BELEIVE IN GOD, BECAUSE NOW I FEEL LIKE DYEING. I EVEN HAVE HAD THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS ABOUT RUNNING AWAY FROM EVERYONE IN THE WORLD. HOW CAN PEOPLE BE SO CRULE OR UNCAREING FOR ONE ANOTHER? NO ONE IS HELPING ME WITH ANYTHING, AND I THINK THAT IS WHY I FEEL SO ALONE. I DONT KNOW IF IM MAKEING A DIFFERENCE IN LETTING PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT JAMES KINGSLEY. HES A VERY DANGEROUS AND A CRAZY MAN, BUT I KEEP TRYING TO GET THE WORD OUT THERE. I DO IT BECAUSE I DO CARE ABOUT OTHERS, AND DONT WANT WHAT HAPPEND TO ME TO HAPPEN TO ANYONE ELSE.
I DO THINK NOW MORE THEN EVER, THAT THE END OF TIME IS COMEING SOON. UNLESS WE CAN GET BACK TO CAREING ABOUT ONE ANOTHER, AND HELPING EACH OTHER THEN YES THATS WHAT I THINK WILL HAPPEN. IM A REGISTERD VOTER BUT I DON'T VOTE ANY MORE BECAUSE I FEEL THE GOVERMENT DOSENT CARE ABOUT THE PEOPLE ANY MORE! AND BEING HANDYCAPED DOSENT HELP WITH ME FEELING USELESS. MY HEART HAS BEEN BROKEN SO MANY TIMES, I DON'T KNOW IF I EVER WILL TRY TO FIND LOVE AGAIN. I HAD SO MANY OF MY DREAMS SHATTERD, LIKE HAVEING A LOVEING AND CAREING WIFE AND KIDS. NOW IM CRYING AGAIN!
I LOVED MY STEP SON ROGER AND IF YOU WANT TO SEE A PICTURE OF HIM CHECK OUT MY PICS. AND I WILL ALLWAYS LOVE HIM! BUT THANKS TO MY EX WIFE I WONT EVER KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO HAVEMY OWN CHILD. I DONT HAVE A VEHICAL ANYMORE CAUSE I CANT AFORD IT, SO I CANT GO VISIT MY PARENTS AND TWO BROTHERS WHO ARE ALLSO HANDYCAPED. AND THAT MAKES ME SAD, I DO GET TO CALL THEM ONCE A WEEK THANKS TO A CALLING CARD I BUY AT DOLLAR GENERAL. BUT MY OTHER BROTHER IS IN A NURSEING HOME AND HES BEEN THERE SINCE HE WAS 20 YEARS OLD AND I CANT CALL HIM. I KNOW LIFE IS HARD BUT I DIDNT THINK IT WOULD BE THIS HARD. IVE ASKED SO MANY PEOPLE FOR HELP LIKE OUR OWN GOVERMENT AND THE CHURCHES IN MY NEIGHBOR HOOD THE CANIDATES FOR THE PRESIDENCY, ELEN DEGENEROUS SHOW AND EVEN IN MY FIRST BLOG EVER (MY LIFE WITH GOD) I ASKED WHO EVER READ IT FOR HELP! WELL I GUESS NOW THAT MY LIFE IS ABOUT OVER THAT NO ONE CARES OR WANTS TO HELP. SO THATS WHY I FEEL LIKE MY EMOTIONS ARE GOING BESERK!
WRITEN BY JEFF SLOMKOWSKI
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